A Screwed Up Situation
by PiratePuppi
Summary: It all started in a locker room...Rated M for language and later chapters.  Collab with DOOM fangirl :warning.  Crack, OOCness, Mariku tears, all around stupidity.
1. Chapter 1

Mariku flexed his bulging arm muscles, looking out the corner of his eye to see if he caught anyone's attention. He grunted when he realized that he hadn't, and quickly tore off his shirt, revealing his ripped abs and overall chiseled body.

Pulling his swim trunks out of his locker, Mariku glanced across the room once again. Ryou, the delicious albino treat he had his eyes on for quite some time, was still fully clothed. _Can't have that! _Mariku thought to himself. He had heard rumors of Ryou's legendary discostick but had never actually seen it. So today had to be the day.

"Hey loser!" Mariku called to Ryou, who immediately looked his way. "Let's get in the pool so I can kick your ass at marco polo!"

_Yes! I did it! Ryou would have to change into his swim trunks right out in theDAMMIT RYOU DON'T GO INTO THE FUCKING BATHROOM OH COME ON YOU LITTLE PUSSY BE A MAN AND LET ALL THE OTHER DUDES SEE YOUR FUCKING LEGENDARY PENIS ALREADY!_

Then, all the other men in the locker room looked straight at Mariku. _Shit. Did they all read my mind?_

"No, asshole" a skinny redheaded tranny said "you've been talking out loud the whole time"

"Fuck."

"Dude are you gay?" some nameless bastard in the crowd yelled.

Nameless, soon to be headless.

"Yeah, we don't want some gay dude in our locker room watching us be naked." The ginger said.

"I do!"

"Shut up, Tristain."

Mariku gritted his teeth. He was getting shit about his sexuality from a dude named Amelda.

A-M-E-L-D-A.

How fucking manly.

Finally having enough, Mariku took the rod out of his pocket and unsheathed it, revealing a dagger at the end. Then with one swift motion he stuck it up the ginger's ass without hesitation.

Amelda screamed. But he didn't scream in pain, and it wasn't just a wordless cry of agony. He was screaming Mariku's _name._

"OH MY GOD" Valon screamed in the background "he's getting off!"

"Can I go next?"

"Shut UP Tristain!"

"What's going on?"

Everybody immediately stopped watching the action and went back to what they were previously doing. Mariku pulled the rod out of Amelda's ass, making the shemale groan.

"Ryou…uhhh…" Mariku hid the rod behind his back. Ryou cocked his head, still not entirely sure what had just happened.

Mariku had been searching his brain for an explaination that didn't involve rape, but every thought melted away as he glanced down and noticed the tight speedo Ryou was wearing.

_Oh god._

The suit was so…tight. And small. And…tight. So tight that Mariku could almost see…

"Mariku? Are you alright?" Ryou asked. That…voice. That small, precious voice. Oh how he'd _love _to hear that precious, sweet voice moan…

Mariku forced himself to look away from Ryou's swimsuit and somehow ended up looking into Ryou's eyes. This surely wasn't helping Mariku's arousal.

He hated acting like an idiot. He despised having his entire world so warped and twisted by a glance that he would build a rainbow and fly across it upon a unicorn with wings. But Ryou's eyes made him silly. They made him a _fool. _They were so deep, and dark brown, almost black. Mariku wanted nothing more than to see those gorgeous, innocent eyes roll back, as that tender, delicate albino body shook…

"FUCK!"

"Mariku! What happened?"

"Nothing…ah..dammit!"

"Is something wrong?"

"No! Nothings wrong! Just…get in the pool, I'll meet you there in a minute."

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

Ryou jumped at the sudden change in Mariku's attitude, but he obeyed. Mariku forced himself not to watch the albino's delicious ass as he turned and left.

"Fuck." He cursed again. He looked around, finally spotting a pair of trunks on a bench. They were Bakura's. Whatever.

Mariku slid them on, thankful to have something clean to wear, and imagining how pissed Bakura would be if he knew…

Mariku rolled up the dirty trunks and stashed them in his locker.

"Wow, piss your pants already?" a voice said from behind him. Malik. He'd know that annoying, squeaky voice anywhere. "Or did you see Ryou again?"

Mariku didn't answer. Instead, he picked the blonde up, putting him on his shoulder, and dumped him in the nearest waste basket.

"Are you mad that I'm in your boyfriend's pants, Malik?"

"Fuck. You. We're just. Friends."

"Riiiiight." Mariku said, heading out the door and leaving Malik in the trash can.


	2. Chapter 2

After leaving his hikari in the trash can, Mariku went to the pool, where he saw Ryou stretching to get limber.  
Watching those pale, slender limbs stretch as far as they could made Mariku feel something stir the swim trunks he had borrowed, but he ignored it, and went over to the sexy albino.  
"Hey, Ryou," he said casually.  
"Hi, Mariku," was the reply the sweet soft voice gave him.  
"Get that...ass in the water." He had been about to say 'get that SEXY ass in the water', but he wasn't ready to divulge his lust of Ryou to the boy-not yet.  
"Ok," the albino replied, running over to the water.  
Mariku watched the boy's ass, and licked his lips.  
"Are you coming, Mariku?" Ryou asked.  
"I already did, earlier," the Egyptian yami told him.  
"Huh?"  
"Uhhh...Never mind," Mariku said, sliding into the water.  
Ryou did a cannonball in after him, and surfaced, his pale face shimmering with the drops of water.  
So beautiful... Mariku thought and decided he had to have the boy-NOW!  
He grabbed Ryou from around the middle, and pulled him close.  
"M-Mariku?" the albino asked.  
"Mine," the Egyptian whispered softly.  
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing to my hikari, and why are you in my swim trunks?" came an angry voice from over by the locker room.  
Everyone in the area turned to see a bare-ass naked Bakura storming over to near where Mariku and Ryou were.  
All the girls (and a few of the guys) went into convulsions of ecstasy.  
"Well?" the albino yami asked, his brown eyes flashing dangerously.  
"Um, B-Bakura, Mariku w-wasn't doing anything to me-he was just playing around. Right, Mariku?" Ryou looked at the Egyptian yami with eyes that pleaded for him to go along with it.  
"No, Ryou-you're mine."  
"Eww!" Valon said from nearby.  
"Ahh, I remember OUR first time," Amelda sighed. "Dear LORD did you ride me good!"  
"THAT NEVER HAPPENED!"  
"Yes, it did; I have the homemade porn to prove it!"  
"You said you erased that!"  
"I lied!"  
The two got into an argument, until their friend, Raphael pushed their heads under the water.  
"YOU CANNOT FUCK MY HIKARI!" Bakura told Mariku.  
"Oh, but YOU can fuck HIS?" Ryou snapped uncharacteristically.  
Bakura sputtered indignantly, then said, "Malik and I are friends-nothing more. I'm straight, anyhow!"  
"So, if I go in your drawer at home, I won't find a bottle of lubricant?" his hikari asked slyly.  
"Fuck you!"  
"No! I'M fucking him!" Mariku insisted.  
"Like hell!"  
The yami decided to do the thing he figured would piss Bakura off the most: he pulled Ryou into a kiss.  
The albino hikari's eyes widened from shock, before he kissed back, his lips surprisingly bold and hungry.  
"Know what, Ryou? FINE! BE a whore!" Bakura said, stalking back into the locker room.


	3. Chapter 3

Mariku held Ryou close, kissing him again.

"You sexy little..."

"Um...Mariku.." the smaller boy whispered "people are watching..."

"What? So you're embarrassed of me now?"

"No! I just..."

"Just kidding!" Mariku chuckled as he pulled out his rod (the MILLENNIUM rod, not a penis.) and it began to glow, as everything and everyone around them began to stand still. (Yeah! A penis can't do THAT now can it!)

"Your rod can stop time?"

Mariku stifled a laugh. "you said rod."

Ryou's eyes widened as he realized that, for all intents and purposes, they were alone. Nobody could see the things he was about to do to his muscular, tan, strong, sexy, manly, hot, tan, sexy, muscular, sexy, tan, sexy lover who he had just right then become irresistibly attracted to.

Ryou crushed his hips against Mariku's, rubbing their erections together. Mariku grew harder as he reached to grope his lover's ass.

"Oh, Mariku..." Ryou sighed.

"Do you want to take it to the jacuzzi, love?"

"Y...yes." Ryou panted as Mariku lifted him up, and began sloshing up the stairs to get out of the pool.

_God...he is so...wet. _Mariku thought to himself as he began to subconciously caress Ryou's soft skin on his back. Ryou moaned again.

Mariku was so enchanted by the sweet sound of his lover's moan that he miscalculated the distance between the steps, and gasped as he lost his balance, dropping the poor albino on his ass.

Ryou yelped as he hit the concrete, falling right on his tailbone.

"Fuck! Are you okay?" Mariku knelt by the boy, who groaned in pain.

"ahh..."

"SHIT! YOU'RE DYING! HOLY FUCKING GOD GET A DOCTOR SOMEBODY HELP HIM OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY! BABY DON'T DIE OH MY LORD MY SWEETHEART IS DYING HOLY FUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!"

"Good lord Mariku, shut up!"

Mariku sighed with relief as he bent down to pick Ryou up again.

"No, I can walk. Really, I'm quite fine."

"Are you sure because I can..."

"Do you care about me, Mariku?" Ryou cut him off.

"PFFF! NO! Of corse not!"

"Really? Because this sure sounds to me like caring." the albino then pulled a tape recorder out of his speedo and played back everything Mariku said since he had dropped him.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Pulled it out of my ass, why?"

"Well...um..." for once, Mariku was at a loss for words. "I didn't...care...you know...that much..."

"I know."

Mariku darted his eyes away from Ryou, trying not to reveal the redness on his cheeks.

"If it helps..." a velvet-smooth british voice whispered "I'm just in this for the sex."

"Wait, wha..."

"I don't care about you either, Mariku." Ryou giggled "You can burn in a pot of boiling semen for all I care!"

Mariku's jaw just about hit the floor with that one.

"Of corse...it would have to be _my_ semen..."

Mariku couldn't take it anymore. His bottom lip started to quiver and he looked away from Ryou, avoiding the boy's gaze as he held in tears.

"Oh my god! You thought I was serious!"

"WAHHHHH!"

"Mariku! Uh...shit.."

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME!"

Ryou sighed as Mariku continued to wail.

"You don't love me either!"

"WAHHH!"

"I was kidding, Mariku! Get a hold of yourself!"

Mariku carried on screaming.

So Ryou smacked him.

In the face.

"Thanks." The egyptian panted. "I needed that."

"Yes. Yes you did."

The two sat in silence for about a minute and a half before Mariku spoke up.

"Did you...mean that? Not that I care or anything."

"Of corse not" Ryou kissed him before licking the tears from his cheek. "I'm rather fond of you, actually."

Mariku chuckled. "Well...I'm actually fond of you as well. And those weren't real tears. Just so you know. I just wanted to know if you were dumb enough to buy it is all."

"Sure, Mariku. Whatever you say."


End file.
